How to effectively approach Women Part 1
Average Time this article takes to read: 7 minutes
Approaching women is an obstacle that most men struggle with. Men who never overcome this obstacle often find themselves going most of their lives without female interaction (or at least the kind of female interaction that precedes relationships). Desperation and loneliness usually consumes these types of men.
This is part 1 of a 3-part article that will help you avoid that desperation and loneliness by taking you step-by-step through the process of approaching women in a variety of different scenarios. This series of articles will also lay out some of the common mistakes that men make when approaching women, and give you advice on how to avoid them.
For those of you with limited time, I have also put a summary at the end of the article.
Approaching Women Step 1: Having the Appropriate Mindset
When it comes to interacting with women, your mindset can make or break any communication attempt. One obstacle that many men face in their journey to meet women is something called “approach anxiety.” Approach anxiety is a series of thoughts that arise in a man’s mind that create enough fear in him to keep him from approaching the woman that he desires.
Here are some examples of negative thoughts that cause approach anxiety:
(1) “There is no way a girl that hot would want to talk to someone as unattractive as me.”
(2) “Girls don’t like me, so I might as well not even waste my time trying to talk to her”
(3) “What if I say something dumb, and she embarrasses me or tells me to go away”
(4) “I’m not dressed well enough to approach her. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
For a person who may not have had much experience talking to women, some of these fears are understandable. It is common for people to imagine the negative in a situation to be a lot worse than it actually is. The reality is that a lot of these fears are exaggerated.
Let’s take the fourth negative thought listed as an example- this fear that men have of making a bad first impression by not being well dressed when they talk to a woman. I can tell you from first-hand experience that having on nice looking clothes can spark a woman’s interest in you, it is absolutely NOT a necessity. A majority of the women who I (a somewhat average looking man) have approached in college were approach while I was wearing sweatpants and a gym fleece (not to mention that I probably didn’t smell very fresh after working out) and I still have had lots of success meeting lots of new women.
Here are some ways to eliminate negative doubts that cause approach anxiety:
(1) Practice positive affirmations- To put yourself in the right mindset, it helps if you have positive thoughts floating around in your head. Positive affirmations are great for this kind of thing! Positive affirmations are short, positive statements that you tell yourself to lift yourself up.
Some examples of positive affirmations are:
· “I am deeply fulfilled with who I am”
· “The past has no power and no hold over me anymore”
· “I see myself happy and healthy”
Action: Take a minute and come up with your own positive affirmations that you can tell yourself when doubt starts to rear its ugly head. I guarantee that you will find this method to be effective in raising your self-belief.
(2) Lower the expectations for the interaction:
A lot of men make the mistake of having sky-high expectations for the women who they are interacting with. By that I mean that they invest too much emotion in their first interaction with a new woman. This often leads to disappointment (when the interaction doesn’t go well) or clinginess (when the interaction goes well and the woman wants to stay in contact). Most of these problems stem from a scarcity mindset. By scarcity mindset, I mean that a man may fool himself into believing that this one woman he is talking to will likely be one of the few attractive women who he comes in contact with. He is scared of messing things up with this woman, so he puts so much pressure on the interaction with her that he becomes distraught when she is not interested, or he clings to her tenaciously in their subsequent encounters.
Here’s the thing: You aren’t getting married to this woman (at least not yet J). Your first interaction with her is merely testing the waters, seeing if there are any common interests, and if there is enough chemistry to warrant staying in contact. By eliminating any deeply imbedded fears you may have about interacting with women, you will find that your interactions with women cause you a lot less mental stress than they would have otherwise.
(3) Adopt the appropriate body language: Other people can tell how you view yourself by the way that you present yourself. Men with low self-esteem tend to repel others while men with high self-esteem tend to attract others. Body language is very important in shaping how other people see you, and how you see yourself. Having confident body language can actually make you feel confident.
Here are some key takeaways to having confident body language:
(1) If you are sitting while you are talking to someone, avoid slouching
(2) Studies have shown that smiling makes you 8 times more attractive (and it makes you feel better), so smile!
(3) Uncross your arms while you are speaking with someone
(4) A confident person’s movements are slow and controlled, so no wild movements of the body while you are talking with someone
There are literally THOUSANDS of more bullet points I could list for what comprises effective body language, but these are some of the main ones to get you started. Here is a good link to give you some of the fundamentals: http://www.askmen.com/grooming/project/top-10-ways-to-show-confidence-with-body-language.html
That is all for Part 1 of “How to effectively approach women.” Part 2 will deal with techniques for approaching that guarantee success, and will also give you ways to keep the conversation going once it is started.
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